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Nelson's Column
January
People Wanted for Plinth 21st January 2008
Put yourself on a pedestal
If the latest proposal by Antony ‘spot the’ Gormley goes ahead, Trafalgar Square’s fourth plinth will become a living sculpture, with 8,760 people standing on top of the column over the course of a year. This is just a proposal at the moment so his work currently looks like a mini plinth surrounded by a safety net – as if some unseen trapeze artist is swinging dangerously overhead – but the idea is an entertaining one, not least because it must be giving the health and safety sticklers the jitters.

Identifying one of Gormley’s statues on the London skyline became a favourite pastime for Londoners last year. Wandering over Blackfriars Bridge or sauntering along the South Bank gained an added purpose not to mention artistic merit with Gormley’s larger than lifesize statues to seek out. Raising our collective gaze from our shoes skyward helped too to lift the spirits.

Gormley’s plinth proposal is an altogether more democratic piece of public art. Instead of bronze casts of Gormley’s own body taking the limelight, Joe Public will get to act as the art. The idea is that each person – chosen by lottery – will be allocated their own hour up there, alongside the lions and famous bronze military men. They’ll, literally, be put on a pedestal in one of London’s most prominent squares – and can claim to have stood where David Beckham once did (well, where his effigy did, but still...). The offers are sure to come flooding in.

The successful volunteers will be allowed to do whatever they want – which is the point at which I hear health and safety taking a sharp intake of breath. Who knows what kind of 'X Factor' rejects will make their way up there, keen to vent their frustration at Simon Cowell’s cruel rejection and inability to see their talent? It could be opening the floodgates for every slightly delusional and certifiably unhinged wannabe to give their doesn’t-bear-repeating audition another go.

Whereas previously only conquering generals and governors were honoured with a place on a plinth in Trafalgar Square, now anyone could be elevated to that status – if only for an hour. It’s the logical conclusion of the democratisation of our public spaces, an inclusive measure and one that we’re seeing more of. Just around the corner, Leicester Square, home of London’s movie premieres, is set for a £18.5 million makeover and, in a case of reality imitating reality TV, how that money spent is up to us. Yes, folks, the decision is yours – let’s just hope it’s not one of those dodgy phone lines where your vote doesn’t actually get counted but you will, don’t you fear, get charged for it anyway.

Leaving aside its cinemas and some truly awful chain food outlets, the square is to become a centre of culture, music and performance. Really? Can we dare to hope that the tacky pizza places, burger joints and bars I wouldn’t be seen dead in will be ripped down in favour of creating an altogether more sophisticated ambiance? Get voting now and we can make it happen.

Hang on a minute, on closer inspection, we can have our say but only on the green bit in the middle (it’s too much of a stretch to describe it as parkland) – oh, and the half price ticket booth. The artist’s impression of how it might look has fountains and some grass… so pretty much what’s there now. Then there’s talk of a white granite ‘ribbon’ seat. All this for a mere £18.5 million. A bargain.
A Little Premature, Some Might Say
Well, this is one that’s sure to provoke a reaction. A new play titled ‘The Death of Margaret Thatcher’ is coming to the Courtyard Theatre in February to examine the potential impact of this event. Lord Tebbit has been quoted as saying ‘Margaret Thatcher is not dead’ and then mutters something about her being reinstated at Number 10, whereas playwright Tom Green simply thinks that it will be interesting when she does die, which is presumably why he wrote the play!
The Face of Theatre
We love a crumbly old building – it speaks of our heritage and we can still see the beauty in any church/theatre/palace/old ruin so we get a little uppity when we’re told they need a bit of work. But, apparently, it’s not just a bit of work – West End theatres need a whopping £250m of repairs to drag them into the 21st century. Still, theatregoers don’t seem to mind with show attendances reaching record numbers last year.
You’d Expect a Mansion for That Price
A ‘flat-pack’ home being installed at the Tate Modern certainly won’t solve the affordable housing shortage. Designed by architect Jean Prouve in the 1950s to solve the housing problem in France’s African colonies, it was too pricey to provide homes to a mass market – and that was before it acquired its £2.5m price tag at auction in New York. It was discovered, complete with bullet holes, in Brazzaville, Congo and it has now been elevated to ‘Art’ status on the South Bank with an entourage of highly-skilled workmen, or maybe artists, to put it back together.
October 2008
24th October
Boris v Jingjing
17th October
Soaps in Pole Position
September 2008
23rd September
Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea
16th September
The London Restaurant Awards
August 2008
26th August
No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues
20th August
The Olympics
July 2008
24th July
Sandwiched Out
17th July
The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3
June 2008
26th June
Love All at Wimbledon
16th June
Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant
May 2008
27th May
Booze Banned on Buses
20th May
Same Again?
April 2008
23rd April
By George
11th April
Back to the 80s
March 2008
28th March
How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea?
20th March
Flight Fantastic
February 2008
20th February
Dark, Satanic Turnmills
6th February
A Diamond in the Drink
January 2008
21st January
People Wanted for Plinth
14th January
Boo! Hiss!
December 2007
28th December
Tate That - A Hirst for Art
20th December
Christmas Shopping
November 2007
27th November
Mind the Gap
26th November
London On A Tray
October 2007
26th October
Leaving the Station
14th October
The Sky's the Limit
September 2007
26th September
The Play Within A Play
19th September
Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks
12th September
Saying Tanks for the Mammaries
August 2007
24th August
Heathrow under Siege
17th August
Gormless
10th August
Losing Face
July 2007
24th July
Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer?
13th July
Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
June 2007
22nd June
Last Orders at the Fag Machine
11th June
London the Musical
May 2007
21st May
What Lurks Beneath
10th May
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
April 2007
27th April
London’s Walk on the Wild Side
20th April
Stand Behind the Yellow Line
13th April
Like Water for Chocolate
March 2007
23rd March
So, Another Magazine
16th March
Avoiding iContact
February 2007
23rd February
Sex and Art...
16th February
C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government
9th February
Live Earth London
January 2007
26th January
A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain
18th January
Carriage on up the West End
December 2006
29th December
Food for Thought
22nd December
A Poisonous Marketing Campaign
15th December
In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds
November 2006
17th November
Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold
10th November
Failing to Save the World
October 2006
27th October
Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps
20th October
Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk
13th October
Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street
September 2006
16th September
Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back
9th September
Of Poles and Twiglets
August 2006
25th August
Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable
11th August
London Friendly
4th August
Archway To Organic Heaven
July 2006
21st July
London - Celebrity Frat House
7th July
Out of the Galleries into the Streets
June 2006
23rd June
Mayors, Nightmares and Marias
16th June
Downright Rude in Paris and London
9th June
Enter the Inferno
May 2006
26th May
Curvaceous Border
12th May
Vegging Out
April 2006
21st April
The Camden Crawl
17th April
Down the Pan
13th April
I Want to Break Free
9th April
Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere
7th April
Don't Box Me In
March 2006
24th March
Political Correctness Reaches New Heights
February 2006
24th February
A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West
17th February
Modern Musicals are Rubbish
10th February
The City-Side Alliance
January 2006
20th January
February Sales
20th January
Moby Sick
13th January
Glass Half Full
3rd January
Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers
December 2005
22nd December
January Bites
16th December
A Remarkable Year
November 2005
25th November
And a Partridge in a JCB
11th November
Driving Miss Sadie
4th November
Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin
October 2005
28th October
Trick or Treat?
21st October
We Don't Mind a Little Delay...
14th October
Final Resting Place for Young British Artists
September 2005
16th September
Just a small urn for me, please barman
9th September
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
2nd September
The Free Tenor
August 2005
30th August
Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium
20th August