Wednesday 19th November  15:40 pm Good Afternoon

on today on tomorrow other dates...

Nelson's Column July London - Celebrity Frat House 21st July 2006 Why our city attracts superstars looking to blow off steam, for all the right reasons I was saddened to read yesterday about David Hasslehoff, the internet’s favourite son, being carried onto a flight after allegedly getting leathered in London. The erstwhile lifeguard was supposedly staggering around, telling passengers who asked if he was the Hoff that "you must be mistaken". What is it about London that makes celebrities fly in from far and wide when they are planning to let their guard down and get royally plastered? Paris Hilton was pictured this week glugging vodka straight from the bottle at her birthday party, while Mickey Rourke’s repellent tour of London’s clubland continues unabated. At the opposite end of the gene pool, bona fide megastars like Jack Nicholson and Matt Damon have expressed a love for our capital’s nightlife and the ladies that inhabit it (although we’ve yet to meet, more’s the pity). Patrick Swayze is currently in the West End and confided in Jonathan Ross that he had been sent here to "relax". Our own boys and girls fly the flag as well, with notable recent triumphs for Joe Cole (leaving a party via a bathroom window without trousers) and the Ashes winning cricket team (slaloming drunkenly around the lawns of 10 Downing Street). But the real proof is in the pudding. Celebrity pudding, that is. Gwyneth Paltrow, in LA, flits between po-faced charity events and yoga sessions. In west London, though, she sits happily in a pub with her hubby Chris Martin buying everyone a round. There must be something in the air. Last night, I convened a seminar of learned friends to try and get to the root of the matter. Several bottles of Pinot Grigio later, we were agreed. There are three reasons why London is the place to drink. The first is history. From the days when condemned prisoners were offered pints on their way up Tyburn Road to meet their executioner, (giving rise to the expression "one for the road") London has been the spiritual home of pub drinking. The second reason is nightlife. If you’re going to have a wild night, it helps to have the apparatus, and our fair city is a tolerant playground for drunken revellers. And finally, the most important factor – Londoners. They are dryly witty, reserved, and given to taking the Mickey. You know you can make a fool of yourself in London – because even before you get started, your friends and fellow drinkers have cut you down to size. There can be nothing more relaxing, for celebrities or regular Joes, than knowing that they are already a laughing stock before the first round. And with that, I’m off to hang around the West End waiting for Christian Slater to stumble by. That boy needs looking after. Ape Escape An endangered Bolivian squirrel monkey, stolen from Chessington World of Adventures, has been found in Clapham. Two-year-old SpongeBob was discovered playing with children in the local park. Escalating Public Nuisance A man has been charged with being a public nuisance after scaling the 135-metre high London Eye wheel. The ever-popular, riverside attraction was closed to the public while police coaxed the man down from his 50-metre perch. Patrick Gets Something off His Chest Hollywood heartthrob, Patrick Swayze, will finally make his London stage debut in ‘Guys and Dolls’ on July 27th. The ‘Dirty Dancing’ dynamo has recovered from the chest infection that caused him to delay his take-up of the role of Nathan Detroit in the Frank Loesser classic musical currently performing at the Piccadilly Theatre. October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! 2nd September The Free Tenor August 2005 30th August Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium 20th August Getting Behind the Iron Farce 10th August Mystery Play is No Sell Out