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Nelson's Column
August
Mystery Play is No Sell Out 10th August 2005
London Shows Love for Leigh
Bit by bit, over recent years, London’s West End has witnessed the rise of the celebrity-led play.

Picture the scene…

[10.55 pm. - A brightly lit bar in Soho]

Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Fancy coming to see a powerfully moving and uniquely evocative 16-hour re-working of Chekhov’s greatest works communicated through the medium of mime?”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “Hmmmmm. I think I’m busy”
Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Whitney Houston’s in it…”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “Ooooo, sounds great. Count me in”
Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Bacardi Breezer?”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “Please.”

It seemed to me that as long as there was someone recognisable in the cast (preferably recognisably good-looking and preferably recognisably American) with a string of sell-out films / records / long-standing comedy sitcoms (preferably all three) behind them the British public would be there in their droves, clogging up the aisles with “Do you remember that episode where so-and-so did something hilarious?” interval reminiscences.

The fact that London’s West End stage has the kudos to attract such attention from the Hollywood elite is undeniably positive, I told myself. But I just couldn’t get my head around the fact that London’s theatregoers seemed to have been so heartily taken in by this “sweetening of the pill” approach.

I began to fret that we’d sold out - that, as a nation, our love of theatre, direction and true drama had been eclipsed by our love of glamour and glitz, that we’d been dazzled by the pearly white-toothed smile of Hollywood’s silver screen starlets.

But then out of the blue came…

[Cue eccentric, bearded British director stage left]

‘A New Play by Mike Leigh’.

Picture the scene…

[7.30pm - A brightly lit bar in Soho]

Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Mike Leigh’s got a new play coming out”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “What’s it about?”
Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Don’t know”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “Who’s in it?”
Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Not sure”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “What’s it called?”
Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Um, don’t think it’s got a title”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “Guess we’d better book soon”
Potential Theatre-Goer #1: “Definitely. Bacardi Breezer?”
Potential Theatre-Goer #2: “Please.”

And suddenly, all’s right in the fickle world of British theatre.

If 16,000 people are fighting it out to buy tickets for a play simply because the reputation of the director as a producer of gritty, touching, yet often tragic human drama warrants it, then I’m a happy girl. And, if Leigh’s esteemed back-catalogue is anything to go by, his latest project is likely to be a challenging work – more grit than glitz – as he typically seeks to depict in true down-to-earth fashion the dogged drama inherent in the everyday lives of regular folk.

The play’s poster (a black-and-white shot of a solitary palm tree set against a backdrop of rolling sand dunes) seems to hint at a stark world of contrasts – black versus white, good versus evil, the individual versus society, the straight versus the undulating, and the short and narrow versus the infinite.

Is the play about Iraq? The poster, along with Leigh’s vocal opposition to the war, both seem to back this up. Or is it about being Jewish? Actress Miriam Margolyes, who unsuccessfully auditioned for the play, has suggested as much to the press. Maybe, it’s about both. Maybe it’s about neither. Maybe it just doesn’t matter.

What does matter, however, is that more than 16,000 of us want to find out.

And I, for one, am a happy girl.
John Peel Day
The BBC has recently announced that a string of gigs will kick off across the UK to mark the anniversary of DJ John Peel’s untimely death. ‘John Peel Day’ is the innovation of Peel’s colleagues at Radio 1 with the co-operation of his wife Sheila Ravenscroft. Featuring bands reflecting his eclectic taste in music, Radio 1 bosses hope venues countrywide will organise gigs as part of a day-long music festival. The largest gig will take place in London and will hopefully become an annual event in which new bands are given the chance to be heard. Sources say the support for the initiative has been phenomenal. Peel died, aged 65, last October after suffering a heart attack.
South Swank
Another wave of regeneration has swept across the South Bank. A £91 million makeover of the Royal Festival Hall will see the welcome addition of a raft of restaurants, shops and a snazzy new park. Foyles, the landmark book shop based on Charing Cross Road, has just planted a super new store next to the hall. It’s the first new branch in over a century. Flanked by MDC Music and Movies and a host of affordable restaurants, the face of Festival Hall continues to be transformed. Eager to open up arts on the South Bank to families and local people, it is hoped the new developments will attract a broad mix of folk. A new public space, with trees, benches and a forum for performing artists has been created on the riverside promenade and is bound to be a crowd-puller. Our beloved South Bank just gets better and better.
All a load of Croc?
Rumours are rife that a roving crocodile has set up home in East London, just upstream from the future Olympic stadium. Mysteriously large holes and the disappearance of dogs and Canadian geese have left everyone guessing as to what is lurking in the depths of the Old River Lea. Conservation officers in the local area are adamant that whatever is guzzling geese must be big, fast and vicious. Visible holes of up to one-metre wide have been sited as ideal basking spots for a croc. The river’s overhanging branches and shadowy shallows provide adequate camouflage for a snappy, scaly creature to stalk its prey. Red-eared terrapin have been discovered happily dwelling beneath the river’s surface. The question remains, if these small exotic reptiles have found their way into our waters, could something much nastier be skulking about?
October 2008
24th October
Boris v Jingjing
17th October
Soaps in Pole Position
September 2008
23rd September
Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea
16th September
The London Restaurant Awards
August 2008
26th August
No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues
20th August
The Olympics
July 2008
24th July
Sandwiched Out
17th July
The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3
June 2008
26th June
Love All at Wimbledon
16th June
Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant
May 2008
27th May
Booze Banned on Buses
20th May
Same Again?
April 2008
23rd April
By George
11th April
Back to the 80s
March 2008
28th March
How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea?
20th March
Flight Fantastic
February 2008
20th February
Dark, Satanic Turnmills
6th February
A Diamond in the Drink
January 2008
21st January
People Wanted for Plinth
14th January
Boo! Hiss!
December 2007
28th December
Tate That - A Hirst for Art
20th December
Christmas Shopping
November 2007
27th November
Mind the Gap
26th November
London On A Tray
October 2007
26th October
Leaving the Station
14th October
The Sky's the Limit
September 2007
26th September
The Play Within A Play
19th September
Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks
12th September
Saying Tanks for the Mammaries
August 2007
24th August
Heathrow under Siege
17th August
Gormless
10th August
Losing Face
July 2007
24th July
Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer?
13th July
Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
June 2007
22nd June
Last Orders at the Fag Machine
11th June
London the Musical
May 2007
21st May
What Lurks Beneath
10th May
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
April 2007
27th April
London’s Walk on the Wild Side
20th April
Stand Behind the Yellow Line
13th April
Like Water for Chocolate
March 2007
23rd March
So, Another Magazine
16th March
Avoiding iContact
February 2007
23rd February
Sex and Art...
16th February
C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government
9th February
Live Earth London
January 2007
26th January
A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain
18th January
Carriage on up the West End
December 2006
29th December
Food for Thought
22nd December
A Poisonous Marketing Campaign
15th December
In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds
November 2006
17th November
Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold
10th November
Failing to Save the World
October 2006
27th October
Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps
20th October
Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk
13th October
Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street
September 2006
16th September
Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back
9th September
Of Poles and Twiglets
August 2006
25th August
Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable
11th August
London Friendly
4th August
Archway To Organic Heaven
July 2006
21st July
London - Celebrity Frat House
7th July
Out of the Galleries into the Streets
June 2006
23rd June
Mayors, Nightmares and Marias
16th June
Downright Rude in Paris and London
9th June
Enter the Inferno
May 2006
26th May
Curvaceous Border
12th May
Vegging Out
April 2006
21st April
The Camden Crawl
17th April
Down the Pan
13th April
I Want to Break Free
9th April
Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere
7th April
Don't Box Me In
March 2006
24th March
Political Correctness Reaches New Heights
February 2006
24th February
A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West
17th February
Modern Musicals are Rubbish
10th February
The City-Side Alliance
January 2006
20th January
February Sales
20th January
Moby Sick
13th January
Glass Half Full
3rd January
Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers
December 2005
22nd December
January Bites
16th December
A Remarkable Year
November 2005
25th November
And a Partridge in a JCB
11th November
Driving Miss Sadie
4th November
Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin
October 2005
28th October
Trick or Treat?
21st October
We Don't Mind a Little Delay...
14th October
Final Resting Place for Young British Artists
September 2005
16th September
Just a small urn for me, please barman
9th September
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
2nd September
The Free Tenor
August 2005